Pence: “We’ve Already Informed Assange’s People That He Can Expect A Position In The Next Administration”

Julian Assange will not be delivering his eagerly anticipated WikiLeaks 10th anniversary address from the Ecuadorian embassy’s balcony in London due to security concerns. However, he will still appear at an event in Berlin via a video link. For almost a month now the public has held its breath waiting for the so-called “October surprise” leak of classified data that is rumored to deal a devastating blow to Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton’s campaign. The WikiLeaks founder has been holed up in the building for years, fearing extradition and American persecution.

Commenting on the postponed leak, Governor of Indiana and Donald Trump’s running mate Mike Pence told The Chicago Tribune, “sticks and stones may break Assange’s bones, but extradited to the U.S. he will never be.” “They’re hoping – and when I say they, I mean Hillary Clinton and her gang of liberal worker bees – that they’ll somehow get Assange over to the U.S. where they could shut him up for good. Now, I’m not one for conspiracy theories and fiction, but somehow I get the feeling that the man would suddenly decide to commit suicide if extradited directly into Clinton’s jaws. I can’t say I blame him – I’d probably also rather face death than her,” Pence said.

Donald Trump’s running mate then revealed that he has openly offered the founder of WikiLeaks a seat in the Trump administration, should the billionaire businessman win November’s election. “As far as I’m concerned, and I know the same applies to Donald and the entire campaign, we’ve already informed Assange’s people that he can expect an important position in the next administration should we be victorious,” Pence said. “And to clarify: this has absolutely nothing to do with the so-called ‘October surprise’ or any of the supposed documents he has in his possession that could damage Clinton’s reputation. We just want him on our team because he’s so darn likable.”

“Though,” he continued, “to say that we’re not at all interested in taking a peek at Assange’s personal records on the former Secretary of State would be a lie, and I never lie. So, I will say that that’s not the main reason. As I’ve said – we want him for his stubbornness and courage to take risks. The fact that he just so happens to have dirt on anybody anywhere is just an added bonus; one that he will autonomously be able to decide what to do with. And I’d like him to also serve as the new Director of Homeland Security if he accepts our offer. With him as director, we’d be unstoppable.”

“I just know Donald Trump and he will be like two peas in a pod, they’ll be inseparable. And, quite frankly, I can’t think of a better personal advisor for the President of the United States than the man who has seen all the dirt with his own eyes, and still chose to expose it piece by piece. As for Hillary, she’ll probably get busted. Either that or she can start a business of her own somewhere, maybe a private hospital or something. I hear she’s been having health issues recently. Coincidentally, former First Ladies have a good tradition with medical institutions; just remember the Betty Ford Clinic,” Pence concluded.

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